The Oscars a place where actors and actresses all around America gather annually to celebrate unforgettable roles and movies of the year past, some receiving these awards and given a chance to express their politics to the watchful public, but for one man, the pressure was too much to handle. 

Many might remember the night for the unfortunate mix up of La La Land and Moonlight or even by the talented Mahershala Ali receiving his first oscar for his five minute role, a first as well for a believer of the Muslim faith, yet lurking in the celebration of equality was the story of John Strider a multiple oscar nominee and one time winner for the fantastic The Roses are Red but Why am I Dead, where he acted as a opium addicted gay man in love with a Muslim located at a English clergy during the crusades.

“I walked down to my good friends, Ben Afflecks house and while I awaited for him to finish his two hour make up session to make him look more depressed for the media, he told me he was exited to rip trump a new one and really get political” He told us, you could see recalling the story brought some unwanted memories to the surface as he fidgeted on the seat, switching positions never truly comfortable.

He continued ” Political, Trump ? I thought well how could I possibly cope with such pressure, I am an Actor not a politician, but then and there I had to make a choice to either change or get buried by the sands of time.” scratching his slightly greyish stubble he said “Meryl Streep became relevant again after giving trump a good whooping”. He sat there on a wooden chair that belonged to Hithcock and stared blankly out the window as a dove flew past, he smiled but you could feel there was pain lingering in his heart, can we truly put ourself in the shoes of these giants of time who truly understand politics without ever studying it and know by some divine intervention perhaps what is good for the population as a whole.

He begun again ” It truly is difficult waking up in my thirty room mansion where my maid sometimes gets lost trying to find my room brining me my pumpkin machiatto spinach sprinkle supreme, and then drinking it semi-hot, my cheeks never truly feeling the satisfaction from a properly hot beverage, trying to understand the deeper meaning of the Koran for hours, finally opening my laptop writing nice quotes from the Koran on the google browser” He sits sipping the beverage, I can’t stop myself from worrying if the beverage I gave him earlier is hot enough for his intricate taste buds .

He looks at me curious like a god to a servant, staring into the depths of my soul and answers my woes “It’s hot enough”. I let out a sigh of relief. He continues ” So as I had found something proper on the first page of google I could now wrestled the other beast of a topic,  Trump so I called my pal Jim Jefferies and well he is a genius, can’t argue about that, He told me if any person spoke anything that went even slightly against my thoughts or defended Herr Trump” he giggles elegantly at his fine joke “he gave me wonderful advice, told me to just shout Fuck off as many times as possible until they quieted their barrage of disquieting facts ”

Well there you have it, this was Fake Forgettable News with me John Wayne Cucumberpatch and our guest, the fabulous rock of a man John Rider, until next time, and please stay safe, conservatives are out there, they are real.

Photo: by Getty Images found at